Games Kids Play

Noisetopia

Games Kids Play

We like to keep it entertaining in The Buford House. Maybe “entertaining” isn’t the right word. “Interesting” would probably be more accurate. And, really, we have to. How else am I supposed to deal with a house full of girls? Luckily, my daughters take pity on their old man and do their best to distract me from my wiener-less sorrow by playing games with me whenever they can. Those of you who are parents might be familiar with some of these games and have probably played a variation of them yourselves. For the rest of you, here’s the short list of the ones I find most effective at occupying my attention.

  • 21 Questions

    • You’ve probably heard of this game before. You think of an object and the person you’re playing with gets to ask 21 yes-or-no questions about the object to try to figure out what it is. But, wait! Here’s the twist my girls put on the game– they just ask questions. There is no object. There is no correct answer. It’s just an endless stream of questions. Questions about butterflies. Questions about cookies. Questions about that one trip that one time where we went and saw that one guy with the ears and he had a dog and shoes and my favorite candy is bubble gum. Just an endless stream of questions. We’ve been playing this game for approximately seven years now. I really wish I knew how to win.

  • Dance Dance Revolution

    • Put on some music. Any music. Seriously, it doesn’t matter. I could pop in my As-Seen-on-TV copy of The Greatest Church Organ Hits of the 1930’s and three sticky, glitter-covered little girls will pop out from behind the furniture and start a mini-rave.

  • Hide and Seek

    • The goal of this game is to take the object that I will specifically need in the next minutes, hours, or days and hide it in a place that Indiana Jones himself wouldn’t be able to find it with a map and a sherpa. Bonus points if the item is very expensive and/or vital to my job/school. Previous contestants have chosen car keys, cell phones (on vibrate), recently-purchased computer parts, and even some of their own toys– like a giant Flavor Flav-style Princess Sophia Amulet necklace (don’t ask). Losing something in the house is just the qualifying round, though. The Double Jeopardy round is when we’re on a road trip and they lose something in the car that is never seen again. You would think there would only be so many places it could be. Nay I say. Our 2013 Chrysler Town and Country came fully equipped with optional back-up camera, leather seats, and a portal to another dimension. Because that’s the only explanation for the alarmingly high number of pacifiers, french fries, DVDs, and actual full-size stuffed animals that have vanished into the Chrysler Triangle.

  • Paint By Numbers

    • Spilled food and drinks. Everywhere. 

  • Operation

    • You might think I’m talking about that board game with the naked guy on it. Close, but no. I am convinced that my girls wake up at 2 in the morning and place the smallest and sharpest toys they possess in the direct path from my bedroom door to the coffee pot. When my alarm goes off at 4:30 and I make my way, still 97% asleep, to the coffee pot it is almost a certainty that I will step on something like a fork from their kitchen set, a mothertrucking Lego, or something equally sharp/pointed. I’ve started playing a little mini-game as I’m crashing to the ground in agony. I try to see just how many curse words I can say between the time I step on the toy to the time I have to surgically remove said toy from my foot. Personal best of 46.

  • Marco Polo

    • The Buford version is kind of like a Hollywood movie in that it’s only loosely based on the original content. In the original game, you close your eyes and yell “Marco” while the people you are trying to find yell “Polo”. Then you try to hone in on their location. In the Buford version, I close my eyes, clench my fists, and yell “KNOCK IT OFF” from my spot on the couch to stop what sounds like a pay-per-view Wrestlemania event going on upstairs. Because they’re about to hone in on an ass-whooping. So it’s kind of the same thing.

I’m not complaining. Like I said, it keeps things interesting. And what the hell is the point of having kids if it doesn’t include some free entertainment every once and a while? Wait until you hear about the games the wife and I play as parents. Not those kinds of games, weirdo. I’m talking about the stuff that makes it fun to be a parent, mainly at your kids’ expense. More on that in the next article. 

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