Fight Me, You Winged Bitch


Fight Me, You Winged Bitch

**This is a repost of a story from by personal Facebook page before I began this blog. If this is your first time reading it, enjoy. If you’ve read it before…enjoy again?? Thanks. 

It’s important to be humbled once in a while. For example, I am a firefighter. I have walked into burning buildings, cut people from mangled cars, been burned, stabbed, limbs broken, etcetera, etcetera. Earlier tonight, I was lucky enough to display my manly awesomeness to the Three Fair Maidens of All Things Pink while I hunted for that most elusive of foes- the common housefly. This winged trickster had incurred the wrath of King Dadness of Estrogenville when he decided to fly mere inches from my face while I was serving up the culinary masterpiece of Sir Papa the John to the Three Glittery Duchesses. So I leapt into action, quickly retrieving my “As Seen on TV” Bug Zapping Tennis Racket from its resting place above the refrigerator. I crept through the kitchen, deftly darting from sink to oven to coffee maker, the Three Crowned Damsels of Eternal Stickiness looking on in stunned silence as I played a game of cat and mouse…..but with a fly….and a human…Kaylee is actually allergic to cats so that’s a terrible analogy.

Anyways, my oldest offspring suddenly spoke up and asked “Daddy what are you going to do if you see a spider?” To which I replied (and I’m just paraphrasing here) “Fear not, mylady, for I shall be stealthy enough to vanquish any eight-legged demons I encounter while I hunt for this winged saboteur.” Or something to that effect. My middle minion then spoke up and said “Daddy how are you going to sneak up on the spiders? Whenever you see one you scream like I do.”

It’s hard to continue hunting flies when your pride takes a left-hook to the face. Stay humble, friends

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