Today is one of those rarest of days. The kind of day that doesn’t come often but, when it does, it’s celebrated. The kind of day that is often talked about but rarely seen….

A day off.

And I’m not just talking about a day off from work. Because even when I’m off work there’s plenty of stuff that needs to be done at the house. No, this is a day off work, with nothing to do, and nobody to see. Okay I take that back. My mom stopped by to drop off some authentic Coon-ass gumbo. Mmmmmmmmmm……..gumbo……..

Where was I? Oh, right. Day off. Yes this is a day where we have nowhere to be and nothing to do. So the wife and I start to discuss options for the day’s fun activities. No cleaning to be done. No house repairs that urgently needed to be completed. Nothing that involved manual labor. We are going to take advantage of the day and treat the girls (who have been working their butts off trying to help with the new baby) to something fun. And we’re going to do it as a family. The first family outing with our newest recruit– the baby.

And then the eruption of Mount Saint Lucy happens.

In the middle of discussing the day’s activities, we are interrupted by the sight and sound of our 2-year-old, Lucy, projectile vomiting everywhere.

I guess I know what we’re doing today.

Amanda levitates from the recliner where she’s sitting to standing in front of the couch where Lucy is vomiting. It was pretty impressive, actually. I’ve never seen anybody move that fast. Especially with a baby in their hands. Oh, wait. It appears she put the baby down in the bouncer. Not sure when that happened, but okay.

As I make it over to Lucy to….offer support I guess…..the first thing that hits me is the smell. How in the pea-soup puking glittery shits does someone that small make a smell that bad? I dry heave mid-sentence. I start to say to my wife, “How can I help?” but all that comes out is “How can I Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.” Hey, at least I offered.

We play a little game that most, if not all, parents have played at least once with their kids. It’s called “Try To Get The Shirt Off The Angry, Puke-Covered Toddler Without Puking Yourself.” After four kids, my wife and I are gold-medal finalists. We point our toddler in a safe direction (away from the pets and family members) and bring her to the walk-in shower in our bathroom for a thorough decon and cleaning. We get her cleaned up and into some new pajamas. With the full expectation that we’ll have to repeat this whole process over again at some point today.

These are the things that we parents do for our kids. It would have been great to take the family out and do something fun. But every now and then a little bit of life happens. Plans are great. But you’ve got to learn to accept change. Because– especially when you have kids– your plans are going to change often.

I guess it’s a day of Disney movies and popcorn. Wish us luck.

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