In the words of the late, great President Abe Lincoln– “We better hide that panda’s body”.
No, wait….that’s not the one I’m thinking of….
I think it’s– “Let’s take off our pants and do this dance”.
Welcome to Noisetopia. I am the self-proclaimed Supreme Overlord of this respectable shit-show I call “Being a Dad”. I’m here to tell you– you tired, you hungry, you huddled masses of exhausted parental units– it’s going to be okay. By no means am I an expert. I have had plenty of screw-ups during the brief time I have been the father of four beautiful little girls. There have been moments of doubt, moments of rage, and moments of complete and undeniable head-scratching confusion. But there have also been moments that (cue the touching orchestra number) have turned a grown man into a teary-eyed blubbering mess and moments that made me laugh until I thought I was going to pee in my manly pants.
This is the first of what I hope will be many awkward yet amusing posts on this blog. I realized recently that I’ve pretty much been doing a blog on my personal Facebook page. Then some friendly neighborhood Facebook acquaintances encouraged me to start a blog. I feel like the word “blog” is kind of boring and hipsterish. And while I would LOVE to keep referring to this as a “shit-show”, I know that some of the people that read this material would rather I not use that language (looking at you, Mom). So let’s call it Noisetopia. It’s our own magical kingdom where we can share in the joy and misery of raising children. And get a few laughs in at our kids’ expense along the way.
Not all of the things that are posted here will be universally accepted by the masses. That’s understandable. My style of raising children isn’t for everyone. So if I write something that personally offends you, just know that in the deepest, most sincere part of my being…I don’t care. The material on this site is for entertainment purposes only. If you read something that you don’t like, please remember that it was written by a high-school educated, unpolished, exhausted father who considers it a resounding success if he can watch the children while Mommy works without something in his house being destroyed by fire.
We’re going to start the festivities with some previous Facebook posts. Partly because I think they’re hilarious and partly because I’m too tired to write anything new. By the way, I’m currently typing this from the hospital room where my wife and newest daughter are being held under observation. Daughter is here because she was just born. Wife is here because the doctors are trying to figure out exactly how she shoots lasers out of her eyes. I told them it only happens when I piss her off.
So strap yourselves in, folks. It’s going to be a fun ride. If you like what you see, please feel free to drop a comment or share to your Facebook page. I would say share us on Twitter but A) I don’t have a Twitter and B) When I looked up Noisetopia on Twitter, it looks like it belongs to some kind of music production company/emo hipster band. So there’s that….